Be my fuel!

I am going to be boldly honest and share one of my greatest struggles. I struggle with apathy to the point were I am positive that I have missed out on some of God's blessings because of this struggle. I am a mother of two boys three and under so laziness doesn't seem like it could even be a possibility. If you could see the huge pile of laundry behind me, or the intimidating stack of unorganized bills and letters scattered all over my computer desk, not to mention my growing to-do list you would see that I obviously need to work on using my time and energy wisely.
To be honest I feel exhausted most of the time. In fact I don't feel like I have truly caught up on sleep in the three plus years of being a mom. I love being a mom and wouldn't trade this honor for anything, but I am exhausted. I do not know how some of you ladies are able to keep the house clean and organized, keep up with a healthy meal plan for the family, maintain a healthy exercise routine, and stay sane along with all the other mother/wife/household duties. I can be an expert at making excuses. I am sorry to say it, but it is true.
Last night before I sat down to do my quiet time I felt extremely convicted of this struggle. I thought about my family and how this could be effecting them or end up effecting them down the road. I thought about my walk with the Lord and how heartbroken I am over the thought of missing out on something God has planned for me because of it. So I started to pray for God's forgiveness and guidance.
I just finished my last devotional so I have been reading through the Bible until I am able to find a new devotional. Last night I felt like reading out of an old devotional I have had for years. The devotional is a collection of daily devotionals written by godly women with the focus of gaining a gentle spirit for the Lord. I opened the devotional and the first page I started to read was titled, "Boredom or Abundant Living" by Ruth Youngdahl Nelson. It started with the verse, John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." My sweet Jesus I don't want to miss out on a full life in You. I LOVE when it is more than obvious that the Lord is speaking to me through His Word or the wisdom of others. Praise Him that He would even speak to me. I had just prayed for His guidance and was literally seeing it unfold before me. By the end of the devotional I felt free and more determined than ever. I am thankful for victory in Him.
Really I can not possibly accomplish anymore in my day and busy schedule unless I stop trying to rely on my own strength and instead rely on and focus on Him. I also have to get over the greatest thing standing in the way of my victory and that is selfish me. It is not about me, but about Him. He will take care of me. Ruth Nelson stated this clearly when she said, "The "poor me" attitude, the stench of self-pity , repels other people and shuts out God." The world would tell me the complete opposite and it is easy to find myself lost in that mindset.
I prayed a prayer last night and journaled it in my old devotional. I don't usually share my private prayers with others but if this prayer will guide or encourage anyone else in gaining victory over the same or similar struggle than it is worth it to me.
Prayed and committed to the Lord June 1st, 2009;
"Lord, Forgive me of my selfishness. Today I am very convicted of my struggle with laziness. The sin of apathy. Lord God, I pray that You would not only forgive me but completely free me. Give me victory over this great battle. Help me to fully glorify You in my role as wife, mother, homemaker, and member of Christ's body. Take away the excuses, groaning, complaining. Replace it with Your strength, endurance, and joy. Let my life resemble You at every turn. Help me not to battle fatigue or gluttony but instead rejoice in energy from You. Be my fuel. Let me live for You! Thank You Jesus!"
Today was commited to Him and I feel like it was a more productive day. I know He has Mighty plans for me, I just need to take hold of His Mighty energy so I can keep up.

I hope that this will be a blessing to someone.